You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
