i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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