guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
