I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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