Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
