best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
