Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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