I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
