I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
