put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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