Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
