i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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