When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Randomize
