Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
