Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
