I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
