I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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