he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
