Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
