What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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