Are we in a gay sports bar?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
We have started to decorate penises.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
