I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
wanna go halves on a baby?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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