He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
