Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
