im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
They are going to name an STD after you.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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