Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Randomize
