Rock
Scissors
Fuck
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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