i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
