coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
