the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
This can only be settled by a dance off.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize