Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize