Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
