I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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