so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
