My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
