He is like the real live version of the state fair..
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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