you traded sex for a burrito?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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