sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
