pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
