Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
