it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize