dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
