You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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