Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
