The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
