Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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