he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize