Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
