I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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