No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
